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Monkey given Ouija Board finally able to See Evil, Hear Evil, and Speak Evil

Since the beginning of time, monkeys have not been able to see, hear, or speak any evil ever. Humans though, are apt to experience all kinds of evil at any time, which bothered a caretaker at the San Diego Zoo (who would like to keep his identity private). He felt that this was “unfair” and that the monkeys “deserved to experience evil”. His coworkers often observed him leering at the monkey exhibit in a “vindictive way for some reason” and some suggest he had been calculating the monkey mission for a while.

So you might be wondering, how was he able to introduce a monkey to evil? This is where the zookeeper’s childhood trauma comes into play. When he was a boy, his older sister played with a Ouija Board, which of course summoned a demon and possessed a stuffed animal which was, to our surprise….a monkey. Their parents then had to bury the board in the backyard to stop the haunting because the demon was ruining their lives. He vaguely recalls being levitated by said demon and dropped multiple times, causing minor brain damage. Upon remembering this trauma, he decided to dig the board up and give it to a monkey at the zoo - knowing full well the extent of evil the board was capable of.

The monkey, known ironically as Eve, used the Hasbro Toy and screamed non stop for three days in reaction to the evil. The monkey then shared the board with the other monkeys so now the zoo is in disarray due to the ongoing evil demon monkey problem. Some even believe that this could be the start of the Planet of the Apes as depicted in the 1968 sci fi adventure movie. Please consider donating to the “Stop the Evil” cause, which can be found on the San Diego Zoo website. As for answers to two of the most frequently asked questions; yes, the board has since been destroyed, and yes, the zookeeper has since gone to therapy.

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